But it was nearly possible. I started with a spreadsheet of 39 shows (counting old ones). I watched most of them, and now that we’re 2 months into the season, they have been properly separated into the ones I’m keeping and the ones I’m dumping.

So I thought I’d blog the list of new shows that I chose to keep. This list ignores shows that were not new this season. I still watch a lot of “old shows” and they really set the bar for the new shows. The new shows have to compete with my existing love of the old shows. If they can’t compete, they get the boot.

Mondays

Terra Nova – This one is a strong contender for my favorite new show of the season. Though I know a lot of people have issues with it, it’s so Star Trek: TNG that it’s not even funny. They’re in a little colony instead of a starship, but the plot lines are very similar. The characters can even be split out into similar roles if you want to take it that far. It’s had a rocky start at times, but go back and watch season 1 of TNG before you complain.

Tuesdays

Last Man Standing – Tim Allen is just a funny man. I had my doubts about this show, but it delivers some pretty solid laughs for me every week. It’s primarily Allen that’s able to carry the show, but his delivery and humor are enough to keep me coming back. I really like this recent return to the traditional sitcom.

Wednesdays

Suburgatory, American Horror Story, Free Agents - Two comedies and a horror show couldn’t be further separated, but I like all three. Sadly, Free Agents is already off the air but I figured I’d list it here since that’s through no fault of my own. Suburgatory owes a lot to its leading lady, and a supporting cast of Jeremy Sisto and Alan Tudyk keep the laughs rolling. American Horror Story is a really impressive show for being able to capture that horror movie feel week after week.

Thursdays

Charlie’s Angels, Whitney – Okay, so Charlie’s Angels has already been canceled and it is pretty dumb at times but I defend it for what it is. It’s slick, easy on the eyes, and the episodes fly by quick enough to make it easy to ignore the inanity of it all. Whitney is a great classic sitcom that’s really grown on me. It’s my favorite new comedy, with a special mention to her boyfriend on the show for delivering the funny. The situation of it reminds of me my life both past and present, which is going to make it funnier to me than perhaps everyone.

Fridays

A Gifted Man - You know, I don’t actually like the medical dramas. I’ve never liked any of them. But there’s something about this show that keeps me tuning in. The premise is of course a bit unorthodox with ghosts and all, but I think at the end of the day it’s just that Patrick Wilson is a charismatic guy that’s fun to watch.

Sundays

Once Upon a Time - I know Grimm got a lot of hype for the fairy tale show to watch, but I found Grimm to be dumb. Once Upon A Time is a bit truer to the fairy tales of old, and the mysteries it’s setting up are intriguing enough to keep me tuning in each week. It’s not my favorite of the bunch, but it’s worth hanging onto for now. If they try to stretch this one for more than a season or two, though, I’m out.

I dumped some new shows and old to arrive at the 21 shows that I’m now watching. So with 9 new shows, new programming makes up just shy of 40% of my weekly television viewing. I’d say the Fall 2011 season was a pretty big success at adding new shows that I’m willing to commit to. If only every season could be that strong!

Sequels are always a dicey proposition, but Marvel superheroes have had good luck in their sophomore run.  Both Spider-Man 2 and X-Men 2 were the best of their respective franchises.

Then again, this is Marvel’s first sequel as its own production company. Could Iron Man 2 possibly live up to the hype?  For the most part, Iron Man 2 is a great success.  It’s not as pristine as the first, but it will leave you satisfied.

Robert Downey Jr. is back as the heart and soul of the franchise.  His embodiment of Tony Stark is about as pitch perfect as one can imagine, and he doesn’t disappoint in the Iron Man 2.  The script called for a slightly darker tone at times, but Downey managed to keep it cohesive.

Downey Jr. is reunited with Gwyneth Paltrow as Pepper Potts, and jarringly joined by Don Cheadle taking over as James Rhodes.  Cheadle does as serviceable of a job as Terrance Howard did, but the script didn’t really give him much to work with.  A clever line near the beginning playfully let’s the audience know that Don Cheadle is not Terrence Howard.

It’s really the cast that makes this movie shine.  Everyone does the best they can with the material and really throws themselves into their respective roles.  Mickey Rourke is in vogue lately for good reason.  He plays Ivan Vanko with menace, and manages to squeeze every last bit out of the character despite his relatively few lines.

Sam Rockwell comes in as Justin Hammer.  I don’t know much about Justin Hammer in the comics, but Rockwell plays him light here.  The character comes across as a caricature of Downey’s Tony Stark.  Sometimes this works to great effect, but at other times it feels almost over the top.

I’ve not been a fan of Scarlett Johansson in the past, so I was a bit concerned when I heard she was cast as Black Widow.  I would have loved to have seen Yvonne Strahovski in the role (though it would have required a dye job).  Johansson does pretty well, though.  Downey saves her from being bland in most of her scenes, and she fully kicks butt when the time comes.

The only real problems with Iron Man 2 stem from its extremely busy plot. Though I enjoy and appreciate the unprecedented attempt at bringing all of the Marvel movies together, the entire S.H.I.E.L.D. subplot slows down the movie for no discernible reason.  I suppose that when you ink Sam Jackon to an 11 picture deal, you have to use him.

Since the bulk of the picture focuses on Tony Stark’s journey to true manhood, some character development for Pepper and Rhodey is sacrificed.  It’s never quite clear why Rhodey so readily helps Hammer weaponize the Mark II into War Machine, and Pepper isn’t nearly as strong of a woman as she was in the first.  I guess Iron Man needed someone to save other than the world.

Those points are minor quibbles in the grand scheme, though, and Favreau keeps the plot moving fast enough that you won’t bother nitpicking as you watch.  Favreau has also grown as a director since Iron Man, and more ably delivers the action scenes this time around.  He’s especially good at framing iconic scenes that you wish you could make a poster of.

I don’t know if it’s a bigger budget or 2 years of new technology, but the Iron Man and War Machine suits are more impressive and real this time around.  Vanko’s Whiplash outfit is also appropriately cool looking, though I think I prefer the simpler one from the beginning of the film to the ‘uber’ version at the end.

Though I felt that Rhodey needed some more screen time, I really did like the dynamic that War Machine added to the mix.  His use in the film was probably the better use of a ’sidekick’ than I’ve seen in any superhero movie.  Yes, even Chris O’Donnell’s oh-so-memorable Robin.

Iron Man’s not new anymore, so I don’t have the same gushing feelings of awesomeness that I had the first time around but don’t let that make you think that Iron Man 2 doesn’t deliver.  It absolutely does, and I feel confident that it will be the best big-budget movie of the summer.

Verdict: B+ Tilt: A

With those four movies alone, you’ll see Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Zoe Saldana (x2), Chris Evans, Idris Elba (x2), Hayden “Anakin” Christensen, Paul Walker, Matt Dillon, Jay Hernandez, Sly Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Eric Roberts, Stone-Cold Steve Austin, Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Brittany Murphy, Liam Neeson, Bradley Cooper, and Jessica Biel — and I’m sure I’ve missed a few.

Hollywood better hope that this military-like action group comedy genre works out because those actors could not have been cheap.  The upside is that at least one of the four will surely have a combination of actors that you dig.  If only we could mix and match.

But it was The Losers that I watched on Saturday night, so we’ll start with that.

The Losers is based on a DC comic.  I doubt most people know that because it wasn’t really hyped much during the advertisements for the film.  It’s an important fact, though, because the comic book format is embraced with the cinematography in this film.

A lot of movies have tried to give live action movies a comic book feel in various ways.  The Watchmen is noticeable for it’s tendency to linger on faithful reproductions of specific comic book panes.  But The Losers does an admirable job as well, and it’s almost a shame that such fun cinematography was showcased in this relatively small film rather than some of its bigger competitors.

The plot of The Losers is pretty bad.  There are a lot of holes and impossibilities in it, and I’m sure there are tons of factual errors with the weaponry and sketchy descriptions of the various US agencies.

But you won’t care.  The Losers has a cast that will convince you to ignore all of those inconsistencies.  Start to wonder about feasibility?  A slow motion shot of Zoe Saldana’s backside while she shoots guns at Jeffrey Dean Morgan.  Feeling like the Snuke is not a realistic weapon?  Chris Evans starts talking about his love for little kids’ soccer league.

I admire The Losers because it does something that a lot of movies don’t do these days; especially in this genre.  It relies on its cast and characters to get the job done.  There are no contrived twists or unexpected action sequences.  There are few character motivations and little angst.

The story is straight forward, predictable and unoriginal.  But the characters — the characters are a delight.  The cast that plays them are phenomenal.  And the explosions are kind of cool too.

The Losers didn’t bother dressing a lot up because they knew they didn’t have to.  They had already done 80% of their job when they cast the film.  Of particular note is Chris Evans, who outdoes himself in this film; almost making up for some of the cheesier Fantastic Four moments.

Zoe Saldana is also hot.  So far we’ve seen her as Uhura and a digital blue creature so it’s good to see her as a normal human being.  It’s not 100% clear why her and Jeffrey Dean Morgan’s character hit it off, but it’s fun to watch them do so.

At the end of the day, for all of the technical and artistic reasons that should trap The Losers as a failure, it manages to put a smile on your face and really be a fun time.  It hearkens back to the day when films were simple, low on special effects, and primarily an excuse to sell buckets of popcorn.

You could do a lot worse than watch The Losers.  It is the romantic comedy of the action genre.  You know where it starts, you know where it ends, and you know exactly how it’s going to get there.  But you can’t help but smile when the plan comes together.

Verdict: B Tilt: A-

So what is there to say about Date Night really?  It was fun to watch.  I laughed some.  I’ve seen worse comedies.  I’ve seen better comedies.

And this is definitely a comedy.  Though it does involve a couple rediscovering their love for one another, don’t let that plot element fool you.  This does not qualify as romantic comedy.

Steve Carell and Tina Fey are funny people.  That cannot be denied, and this movie rests squarely on their shoulders.  They look at the camera and they do what they do.  And they do it well.

The outtakes from the credits make it clear that this movie was solely based on the improvisational abilities of its leading actors.  I’m grateful that they know what they’re doing, because premise alone would have left this movie out in the cold.

I know that all sounds harsh.  It sounds like I don’t like the movie.  But that’s not the case.  It just didn’t blow me away; or have me laughing with any sort of oomph.

There is a hilarious bit with James Franco and Mila Kunis, as well as a pretty fun time with Mark Wahlberg.  Faces that you recognize just seem to pop up all over this movie, making it fun even when it’s slow.

Olivia Munn even drops by for a very small cameo which left me wondering why she hasn’t managed to break into mainstream acting yet.  She’s one of the funnier females on television, and there just aren’t enough female comedians out there for us to watch.

I particularly liked the recurring joke of the disdain that people had for the couple upon finding out that they had stolen someone else’s reservation at a posh NYC restaurant.  From NYC cops to hardened criminals, it seems that everyone thinks it wrong to steal a reservation.

In keeping with Carell’s recent movies, there is a surprising amount of action with the comedy.  One fairly long sequence involving an audi sports car and a NYC taxi cab is pretty classic.  While watching the scenes I couldn’t help but wish that the same premise could be done in a real action movie.

If you’re the type of person who has a crush on Tina Fey, then you’ll certainly like her here.  She manages to be ‘geek sexy’ with ease in this movie, which allows us to readily believe that Carell and her would have really hooked up.  The chemistry between the two is pretty solid.

Overall, Date Night is a decent movie.  It is what I expected it would be.  No more, no less.

Verdict: B- Tilt: B-

Sadly, the historic venue could not save Clash of the Titans for me.  Though I haven’t watched the original in many years, I have fond memories of daring swordfights, giant stop-motion enemies, and a generally exciting time.

I’m not sure where the excitement went, or how they managed to suck it out of this film but for the most part I was just bored for 3/4 of the movie.

It’s not really that Clash of the Titans is a bad movie; just a boring one.  Many people probably view those two as interchangeable, but it really is the best description I can think of for the movie.

It’s not that the movie is poorly made.  It’s not that Sam Worthington, Ralph Fiennes and Liam Neeson didn’t give it their all.  It’s not that the special effects weren’t beautiful and realistic.

Everything was well-done.  Each piece was carefully crafted; from costume to set design.  Each monster was appropriately terrifying, and each display of derring-do expertly rendered.

But somehow with all of those perfect parts, the movie managed to add up to something that equaled far less than the sum of its components.

When Perseus finally faces off against Medusa, the movie picks up and enthralls you from that point forward.  Sadly, the encounter with Medusa isn’t until the last quarter of the film.  By that time, you’ve already nodded off.

Perhaps the biggest problem is that the characters are poorly established.  With the exception of Perseus, Hades and Zeus, it’s hard to even tell the difference between the rest of the characters.  People would die and then seem to show up again in the next scene.

Of course, they didn’t really.  It was just another character that looked an awful lot like the previous and happened to fill the same character niche as the first.  It was literally as if Perseus had an infinite supply of Argosian Warlords behind him.

Add to that the very sad omission of the helm of invisibility and the lack of the otherwordly origins of Perseus’ shield, and you’re just left with a lot of well-done special effects with no heart.  Your heart is pumping, but you don’t end the movie feeling like you’ve gotten any exercise.

This movie could have been so much more.  It had everything a great movie should have, but it just couldn’t pull it together into a coherent script or render memorable characters.  Had I not known as much as I do about Greek Mythology, I think I would have just been lost.

Verdict: C- Tilt: D

What’s even better than that, though, is starting my Summer Movie List with a success story.  With an insanely high 97% on Rotten Tomatoes, you shouldn’t need my endorsement to go watch How To Train Your Dragon, but I’m going to give it anyway.

How To Train Your Dragon is Dreamworks Animation’s newest entry, still desperately trying to catch the monolith that is Pixar.  They have historically been hit or miss, but Dragon shows that when they’re on their A-game, they can certainly compete.

The movie follows the somewhat predictable story of a young viking named Hiccup who’s not exactly ideal viking material.  Although a mechanical genius, he lacks the oomph of his people.

A longstanding war with the dragons frames his entire village — a village that is overseen by his father, Stoick.  Stopping dragons is the name of the game, and you’re just not a real viking if you haven’t killed at least one.  That’s bad news for Hiccup.

A desperate attempt for acceptance leads Hiccup to invent his own bola-firing contraption which he uses to bring down the most elusive of all dragons — a Nightfury.  The only problem, of course, is that no one sees him take the shot so he doesn’t get any credit.

Up until Hiccup finds the dragon that he downed (wounded in a canyon), the story is a bit slow.  When dealing with such tried and true tropes, it’s hardly necessary to devote as much time as was allotted to Hiccup’s plight with his people.

Once Hiccup finds the dragon, though, this movie hits full stride and doesn’t slow down.  With his inventive genius, Hiccup is able to gain the loyalty of this new dragon, nursing him back to health and learning a lot about the species along the way.

I watched this movie in 3D, and it was well-utilized.  Hiccup and Toothless (the dragon’s ill-fated name), soar through the skies with beauty.  The dragons’ wings and fire pop out of the screen in some fun and innovative ways, with a particular chase scene near the end really stealing the 3D show.

Although Jay Baruchel’s voice is a bit awkward even as a cartoon character, other voice talent is spot on.  Adult Vikings speak with a Scottish accent, but you’ll never question the validity since the main characters are voiced by native Scotsmen Craig Ferguson and Gerard Butler.

Dragons can’t speak, but the emoting is beautifully animated for Toothless making him a valid and central character to the story.  You believe the relationship that’s built between a boy and his dragon, which makes the story all the more compelling as you move along.

The general premise is certainly nothing new, but Dragon does tend to throw things at you from time to time that you didn’t quite expect.  Most impressively, it manages to do this without really painting either side as too much of a villain, which saves it from getting too preachy.

The final scenes see the Vikings setting sail for Dragon Island, and this leads to one of the most exciting last few minutes of a movie I’ve seen in a while.  You’ll get so attached to the characters, that you’ll ride the emotional coaster right along with them.

A special mention should go to the character of Stoick.  Perfectly voiced by Gerard Butler, the film manages to portray Stoick as an overbearing father that cares.  Even though he is often used in the villain role, you never really hate Stoick which pays dividends at the end.

With both Toy Story 3 and Shrek 4 coming out this summer, How To Train Your Dragon has set the bar high for animated films.  I’m sure Toy Story 3 will walk away with the most money, but Dragon may walk away with the highest ratings.  It’s just that good.

Verdict: A- Tilt: A+

Although this summer is more filled out than last, there are a lot of untested movies on the horizon.  It could be a great summer, or it could be a disappointment.  With 19 movies in my list, I’m sure to miss some.  Let’s hope I watch the right ones.

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How To Train Your Dragon (March 26) — Review —

The Dreamworks animated films are hit or miss for me.  The thing that has my interest for this one, though, is dragons and Vikings.  Okay, so dragons get a lot of airtime already but Vikings?  More Vikings movies please.

Clash of the Titans (April 2) — Review —

I remember watching the original when I was a kid and being absolutely enthralled.  The special effects were cheesy by today’s standards, but they were the cream of the crop back in the day.  I think this movie will likely ruin my memories more than enhance them, but I can’t ignore the draw of the titans.

Date Night (April 9)

The obligatory comedy comes out about this time every year.  It always stars either Steve Carrell, Tina Fey, or Will Ferrell.  This one nets us two of the three.  Comedies have a much lower barrier of entry than other genres, so I expect this one won’t be a waste of time.

Kick-Ass (April 16)

To be honest, I don’t know anything about the origins of this film.  The trailers look funny and it’s related to superheroes.  Does one really need any other reason to watch a movie?

A Nightmare on Elm Street (April 30)

I watched these movies starting from a very early age; probably earlier than reasonable.  But I turned out fine, and Freddy Krueger has remained one of my favorite movie villains of all time.  I can’t imagine a better replacement for Freddy than Rorshach, so I’m excited to see how this turns out.

Iron Man 2 (May 7)

This movie is what makes the summer.  If I see nothing else, I will definitely see this.  The trailers make this one look even more epic than the first, and superhero movies tend to do well with their second outings.  I can’t imagine not liking this movie.

Robin Hood (May 14)

I hate Russell Crowe.  He used to be cool back in the Gladiator days but now he’s just a glory hog.  Nonetheless, it’s Robin Hood.  Crowe can’t be any worse than Costner in the green tunic can he?

Shrek Forever After (May 21)

The Shrek movies are played out and I really don’t have high hopes for this one.  The 3rd one was really a disappointment, and I question whether there’s any story left to tell in this universe.  I may end up skipping this one for MacGruber, which is all the indication you need of how I feel about Shrek.

MacGruber (May 21)

This movie should really suck.  Everything about it is a horrible idea.  Although they are some of the funnier SNL skits of recent years, that’s like saying that cow dung tastes better than horse dung.  But it may be the deck stacked against it that will make it work; it certainly wouldn’t be the first SNL movie to pull off the unthinkable.

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time (May 28)

I’m not sure I like Gyllenhaal for this role, but I loved the games.  My biggest worry for this film is that it will end up being too actiony with very little character development, leaving it feeling like a rip-off of the Mummy movies.  I guess only time will tell.  Get it?

Splice (June 4)

I know almost nothing about this movie except the premise.  Scientists start splicing the DNA of humans and animals together.  Where it goes from there I’m not sure, but animal people are awesome.

The A-Team (June 11)

I used to have a Mr. T action figure from the A-Team.  I loved that action figure.  I’m excited about this one because I really think they’ve got the cast to make it work.  The fact that my childhood memory has faded should only help me forgive any flaws this movie has.

The Karate Kid (June 11)

I’m putting this on the list, but I think there’s a high probability I won’t actually watch it in theaters.  Although I loved the first few, I’m a lot older now.  Not only that, but the karate kid is much younger.  I think it might be great for the younger folk, but maybe a little childish for the grownups.

Toy Story 3 (June 18)

This is one of those franchises that I never got.  Other than a few chuckles here and there, I don’t understand why people love it so much.  It did usher in this style of animated film, though, and for that it deserves some credit.  It will be interesting to see the comparison between this, Shrek, and Dragon.

Jonah Hex (June 18)

I don’t know much about this movie except that it’s based on a comic book with zombies and it features Megan Fox in a Corset.  Is it necessary to know more about it, really?

The Last Airbender (July 2)

I have liked every Shymalan film at least on some level.  His worst was undeniably The Happening, but even that had its charms.  This man is just good at creating a mood with his camera work.  The source material is lost on me, but I’m hoping this ends up being a fun movie.

Predators (July 9)

I’ll probably be movied out by the time this hits theaters, so it’s likely to get a skip.  The first Predator movie is a classic, but one of those movies that is much better in retrospect than reality.  I imagine this one will be much the same, but at least we have cool special effects this time around.

Inception (July 16)

Dream invasion.  That’s the premise of this Christopher Nolan movie.  The details are few and far between, but between Prestige and the recent Batman movies, I’ll give Nolan a freebie here.  I trust that he’ll give me a great movie, even if he doesn’t have Christian Bale.

Salt (July 23)

Angelina Jolie is really the only female action hero we have.  That’s a shame, really, but at least it means that she fills a niche.  This one sees Jolie being accused of being a Russian spy, even though she has no knowledge of that herself.  Is she the bad guy?  Can’t wait to find out.

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And that’s it.  The top 19 movies I’m looking forward to watching this Summer of 2010.  If I watch them all, I’ll deserve a medal and probably a loan to pay off my credit card bill.

Clearly, I did not review them.  My blog is mostly dead, but as Miracle Max made clear “There’s a big difference between mostly dead and all dead.”

So I watched Alice in Wonderland this weekend in 3D.  It seemed to use a different kind of 3D than Avatar, and that certainly didn’t play to its advantage.  I’m not sure there was much to be gained by the 3D treatment.

Tim Burton is weird. I know that some of my friends love his work, but I generally leave the theater feeling as if I spent the last two hours of my life fighting off insanity.

Of his many films, there is only one that I really liked and that was Big Fish.  And yes, that includes Batman.  Sure, it was good when it was the only Batman we had, but Christopher Nolan has shown us a great Batman.  Tim Burton’s is a joke.

So it comes as no surprise to myself that I found Alice in Wonderland to be primarily meh.  It wasn’t a waste of my time, but it was also not a great use of my time.  I didn’t laugh, I didn’t cry, and I didn’t marvel.

Instead, I just questioned the sanity of the filmmaker and spent my time trying to figure out if Johnny Depp meant to switch accents in every scene.  Depp is usually a solid performer even in Burton’s messy movies, but here he seemed a little lost.  Then again, he was playing the Mad Hatter so maybe that was the point.

The only bright spot for me was the realization that the White Queen (played by Anne Hathaway) was modeled after the white queen of the chess board.  Having never read the books, I had never realized that both queens were based on separate games.

Sadly, I could have come to that realization via Wikipedia.

The Cheshire Cat was pretty entertaining and his ability to vanish on demand was used to great effect.  He was probably the strongest character, despite a solid cast of actors.

If you like Tim Burton, you’ll probably like Alice in Wonderland.  If you have nothing better to watch, it won’t feel like a total waste of your time because Anne Hathaway is hot (even when painted white) and the Cheshire Cat is slick.

Verdict: C+ Tilt: D

Here are some quick movie reviews of my holiday movie experience.  I wanted to watch Alvin & the Chipmunks Squeakquel but the wife was resistant.

AVATAR

We watched it in 3D and it was the best 3D I’ve ever seen.  It didn’t throw a lot of gimmicks at you and instead used the 3D effectively to bring the CG worlds to life.  It added a lot of depth and life to a world which may have otherwise looked too unreal.

It’s a far better blend of live-action/CG than anyone else has managed; yes even Jar Jar Binks.  The story was pretty derivative, but done in a clever enough way that you won’t mind until you look at the movie in retrospect.  I’ve read predictions of it receiving an Oscar Nomination, but it only deserves it for technical achievement in my opinion.

Verdict: B Tilt: A-

SHERLOCK HOLMES

This movie is an odd beast.  It’s not quite sure what kind of movie it is, and if it weren’t for the saving graces of Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law that flaw may have been this movie’s downfall.

The story is good, and though many feared that Holmes would become more superhero than super sleuth, there is nothing to fear.  The movie does a good job of painting Holmes as the genius that he is.  His character as portrayed in this film feels very Jack Sparrowesque.  Holmes is eccentric and almost crazy, but at the same time capable of solving crimes.

If Holmes hadn’t been around long before the two, I’d say this movie can best be described as a cross between Monk and Pirates of the Caribbean.  Strange, but true.

The bromance between Watson and Holmes is superb, and I don’t think I’ve ever liked Jude Law this much in a role.  The real takeaway from this film is the many movies yet to come. Let’s hope they leave Rachel McAdams out next time.

Verdict: B Tilt: A

GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra was merely a way to sell action figures stuck haphazardly in the middle of August.  It wasn’t supposed to be good.  It was supposed to be mediocre at best.

The trailers all but confirmed GI Joe’s inevitable failure.  The colorful characters of our past were crammed into ‘acceleration’ suits and made to look like poorly done CGI monkeys.  There was absolutely no redeeming qualities about the trailers.

The only hint of greatness that ever came out of the Joe movie were the early stills of the characters.  At least they got actors that looked the part…

But I’m here to tell you that GI Joe is easily the second best action flick of the summer, and (unless you love Potter) the second best movie overall.  GI Joe puts Wolverine and Transformers to shame.  Something tells me Hasbro is ok with that.

What GI Joe understands is that its entire premise is a little bit silly.  Though audiences may be inclined to believe in elite agencies protecting the world, when you start talking about Cobra Commanders and lasers then it gets a little hokey.

But hokey works for this movie.  It knows what it is and its intention is to keep you engaged too fully to think about the silliness.  It takes James Bond and crosses it with [the original] Transformers and gives the audience a little something special.

Perhaps what Joe has going for it more than anything else is an extremely charismatic cast.  Though none of them are likely to win Oscars (for this or any other performance), they are a ragtag bunch of heroes that you can get behind.

Channing Tatum is awesome as Duke, and provides the audience’s perspective taking in this elite organization with super hard core members and silent ninja commandos.  With help from Marlon Wayans as Ripcord, the audience is able to marvel at Joe headquarters with our protagonists.

(As an aside, I generally despise any of the Wayans brothers, but Marlon delivers a straight-edged comedic role without getting too ridiculous in this movie.  He’s suprisingly likable.)

Near the beginning of the movie a fight scene erupts (they rarely stop throughout the film), and Snake Eyes jumps out of a plane to exact justice on a number of Cobra bad guys.  That’s the moment that Joe gets its legs and after that it never stops running.  There is just too much cool to go around.

I was impressed with how well the movie manages to give every character enough time to make them feel meaningful.  Though not all get a well-developed backstory, every character feels like they belong and should be rooted for (or reviled).

Sienna Miller as Baroness is a delight.  One of the more memorable characters from the cartoons, she really shines on screen as both an action hero and a female antagonist.  Though I don’t remember a lot about the original storylines, Baroness has a backstory with Duke here which makes the plot seem all the more relevant.

Without going into detail about the awesomeness of each character, special shout outs are in order for Christopher Eccleston as Destro, and Byung-hun Lee as Storm Shadow.  Both bring awesome depth to their well-known characters.  And the always riveting Ray Park does his usual awesome job bringing Snake Eyes to life.

The stupid ‘accelerator’ suits from the trailers aren’t nearly as stupid as they appeared.  In fact, their inclusion in the film opens up one of the most inventive car chase scenes that I’ve seen for some number of years.  This romp through Paris including Storm Shadow, Baroness, Snake Eyes, Duke, Ripcord, and Scarlett is a perfect example of how the script leaves no character behind.

Sure the movie is filled with ridiculous technobabble and impossible gear, but that’s what made the old GI Joe so much fun.  I actually had an action figure named ‘Croc Master’ complete with whip and pet crocodile.  GI Joe is not supposed to be grounded in modern day military reality.

If I were to give advice on what movie to expect going into the theaters I would say to expect something along the lines of the original Transformers movie.

Though this movie has a better developed cast of characters and less shaky cam, it is essentially the same mentality.  Pure action-packed adrenaline is the only way to turn a toyline into a real movie, and it looks like Hasbro has struck gold yet again.

Verdict: B- Tilt: A