This is an open letter to those people on the toll road who get in the EZPass lane without having an EZPass, only to realize too late that they have no way to get through the toll booth in good conscience.
This is an open letter to those people who find themselves in that situation and decide to stop all EZPass lane traffic and wait for a toll booth attendant to leave their booth and accept their money.
There are three scenarios that you may find yourself in when trapped in such a situation. I will discuss them here along with the proper response to each.
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1) If the toll bar is up, then you are to keep going. Yes, I realize this may result in a hefty fine for you, but you should really just consider it a stupid tax.
If you are too unobservant to notice the giant purple sign above your lane; or you are too stupid to know that you don’t really have an EZPass — then you have earned yourself a fine. Accept that, move on.
Who are you to assume that your money is worth more than my time? I don’t want to compare salaries or anything, but I’m not the one stupid enough to ignore a giant purple sign so I’m going to assume I’m winning this one.
Just keep driving. If you’re lucky, the toll authority won’t fine you and you will have gotten a free toll. I’m ok with you getting a free toll if it means you have decided to be a decent human being.
2) The other case is the one in which the toll bar is down. This one is a bit trickier. Although I could easily point out that your stupidity has gotten you into the situation and I don’t really care about the condition of your car, I’ll give you a little bit of a respite on this one.
I don’t expect you to drive through the toll bar; not only because it may damage your car, but it may also be dangerous. Although I think you’re stupid, I don’t want you to die.
So now we have to turn to the toll booth workers and blame them. If you are a toll booth attendant and you see that this has happened, raise the damn bar. Let them pass free of charge.
Take their picture, memorize their license plate, or shoot a paintball at their car. I don’t really care, but get the lane moving. There is absolutely no reason to hold up traffic because of the stupidity of one person.
To the driver: Do not expect change if you do this. If the attendant comes out to take your money, throw a $20 at her and drive. Consider it part of your stupid tax.
3) The most extreme case is that you are even stupider than previously discussed, and you think it’s a good idea to slam on your brakes when you notice that you’re in the wrong lane.
The people behind you are going 50+ mph and are accustomed to not having to slow down to get through this lane. Contrary to your beliefs, that is the reason this lane exists.
Not only is it annoying and stupid for you to slam on your brakes when you are in this situation, you are being extremely wreckless and endangering the lives and property of all of those commuters behind you.
Don’t do this. Ever. In most rush hour scenarios, Rule #1 applies. Follow it. There are no other options. Accept the fine. Be a decent human being and see how much better you sleep at night.
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There you have it. To anyone driving the toll roads of the Washington DC metroplex, please follow these simple instructions. You will be a better human being because of it.
Sincerely,
The guy behind you who should have honked but wrote this blog instead
This points out a general failure of drivers to take responsibility for their incorrect actions. What they should do is “take the F” – they failed, they should accept the grade and move on. Don’t try and throw the car in reverse if you miss your exit and don’t cut across three lanes of traffic at the last minute. Just carry on with the flow of traffic, take your F, and turn around when you can.
True, true.
I’ve got nothing to add.
You are of course, completly right, and Hemisphire is as well. I tend to have more of an issue in my day to day with the people he described, as well as those who will block a green straight light with their left turn blinker on and try to get into the 25 car length left turn lane and wonder why people are getting upset.
My girlfriend wants to move to somwhere very uninhabited, like Colorado or Montana. I keep telling her there are downsides out there as well, but man I’d love to avoid rush hour here.
The 244hats without EZpass are not the most common, of the people who should just take the F, but they do have the potential for causing the biggest accident.
Hilarious!! This is why I love your blog.
Hemisphire alluded to them, but the worst Toll Trolls I see are the ones who mistakenly pull into the EZPass lane, and are not content to just stop and wait for the attendant, but proceed to reverse their car out of the EZPass lane at a high rate of speed to switch to a different lane.