So last night the wife and I saw The Other Boleyn Girl, or ‘Other Bole’ as our movie ticket affectionately referred to it. Were those really the most logical 10 letters to put on the ticket stub?
So what do you get when your three main characters consist of a weak-willed whore, a easily confused horndog, and a scheming bitch? A story that, although derived from history, is wholly mediocre.
The main problem with this film is the lack of a protagonist. None of the characters had a particularly sympathetic tale, and it was unclear who exactly the story was about.
With its title, I can only assume they meant to focus on the sister of Queen Anne Boleyn, Mary Boleyn (played by Scarlett Johansson) — though this is clearly up for interpretation.
Unfortunately, Mary Boleyn is portrayed as having no spine. She is overly emotional, utterly illogical, and easily swayed into breaking her marriage covenant to bed her King — a worthy honor to be sure.
But her King, played by Eric Bana, is not a very charismatic fellow and seems to lack the wit or charm that you would expect from one of the most notorious monarchs in the history of the world. Not to mention his hair is the wrong color and he’s about 150lbs too light.
The only even moderately redeeming character in the movie is Anne Boleyn, played by Natalie Portman. Though she starts as a stupid child, she ushers in the second fourth of the movie with gusto and makes it the most memorable part of the film.
After being exiled to France for a few months, Anne returns footloose, fancy-free, and ready to manipulate herself into the monarchy. The only thing missing from this transition is a Rocky-style montage of her learning the ropes under the Queen of France.
Unfortunately, this sparring between Henry and Anne is all too short-lived for the movie which quickly moves on to birth after birth, as the two grow further and further apart and learn to resent the world when no male heir presents itself.
The movie made me wish they had made a movie just about Anne Boleyn. In her scheming prime, she was a sight to behold.
After all, she had the confidence and charisma to convince the King to renounce the Catholic Church. It was a worthy accomplishment that didn’t get enough justice in this movie.
Indeed, none of the historical figures got their proper respect.
Although there was intrigue and hatred throughout the rule of King Henry, there is no denying that he and his many wives were integral to English history. Anne and Henry sired one of the greatest monarchs to ever live in Queen Elizabeth.
Yet here they are hollow, inconsistent and petty. They are not the great historical figures of the past. They are merely piles of hate and tears with absolutely no proper mention of the difficulties they faced as the leaders of England.
It could have been good. It had potential. But it was too inconsistent and without purpose to accomplish its goal — a mistake the real Anne Boleyn would never have made.
Verdict: C-