Book of Absurdity

Next up is National Treasure 2: Book of Secrets.

Oh yes, Nicolas Cage is back to use American history as a whipping boy for what passes as entertainment.

First off, I’m so glad Nick Cage’s Superman never made it to theaters.

Brandon Routh is about as charistmatic as a turtle, but at least he looks like Superman.

I digress.

I was watching Ebert and Roeper and Roeper made the comment that this might be the worst movie ever to star so many Academy Award winners. I think he might be right.

Helen Mirren, Jon Voight, Nicolas Cage, and Ed Harris all bring their well-respected acting chops to the screen in order to lead the audience on a fantastical goose chase through American history to clear the name of some distant relative of the Gates family.

Sadly, all of them are upstaged by Justin Bartha who I’m pretty sure the Academy hasn’t even heard of.

This movie is so wildly fantastical that it has a hard time keeping the viewer from laughing incredulously at the set-up.

The motivations of the characters are ridiculously dubious, from Nick Cage’s overwhelming desire to save his family’s honor to Ed Harris’s preposterous desire for his family to make a mark on history.

In the end, I’m not quite sure how either accomplished their respective goals, but we are led to believe that both did and everyone can go home happy.

In an effort to save the Gates legacy, Cage does some pretty unreasonable things including kidnapping the president (of the United States), and breaking into the Library of Congress and Buckingham Palace.

There is no court for people who do any of the above three things. There is no arrest. There is only sudden death by underpaid security guards or, if you’re really lucky, underpaid Secret Service.

Seriously, if I found out my great great great grandfather was the mastermind of the Lincoln assassination, I’d be kind of proud. Not because I wish my forefather’s to be murderers, but because most people have relatives with no part in history — bad or good.

All that being said, however, the fact of the matter is that the movie is filled with Oscar caliber actors. They sell the steaming pile of dog turds about as well as anyone could hope to, and they’re mostly charismatic people (sorry, Nick, you’re just weird).

As preposterous as the plot is and as impossible as it is to actually buy into any of what they’re hocking, I never once felt an overwhelming desire to run out of the theater. In some horrible train-wreck sort of way, this movie was quite watchable.

I wouldn’t rush out to see it, but you could do worse than to watch this movie on a rainy day when you’ve got nothing left.  It’s better than getting eaten by a tiger.

Verdict: D+

That’s right, I rated Into the Blue higher. Poor Nick Cage…